Don’t Worry. I will kill you.
It was a hot summer day of June 1943. I was held in a concentration camp in Auschwitz with my family. We were brought here some 3 months ago and since then it had been a difficult life for us. The torture and hatred of Nazis soldiers, no availability of proper shelter and food, no medication and no idea when this war would be over, kept on bugging us but we were managing somehow to stay alive amidst that chaos. I lived with my mom and dad in the last shelter home just across the crematorium. The smell of dead bodies being burnt filled the air around us but we were already accustomed with that smell and never bothered to cover our noses.
My father was a local boot maker and once had one of the most distinguished boot showrooms in Poland before Germany captured us. My mother was a village lady who grew up in the polish countryside and never had so much of an educational background. I was their only child although I had a sister who died in infancy.
I was waiting in a long line for the food that Nazi were to bring for us. The summer heat was dreadful and I was getting weak from standing long hours in the queue, which unsurprisingly didn’t seem to move. I was particularly worried about my mother who seemed to have got some kind of infection and was getting paler and weaker by the day. I desperately wanted to get her some kind of healthy meat soup. After an hour long wait in the scorching heat, Nazis truck carrying food supplies stopped by our camp but instead of loading down fruits, vegetables and grains, armed Nazis soldiers with big guns stepped down. “ They are here. AGAIN!” I panicked seeing the murder gang relentlessly patrolling the ghettos, eyeing everyone with great concern.
Since few days the ration and food supplies had started getting insufficient for the people in this ghetto. We knew it was because of the continuous growth in ghettos population. Germany were in the forefront of the war and needed much places to shelter armies and fodders. So they were desperate to cram as much people as possible inside the ghetto. We had hardly 100sq foot of area to live yet there were nearly 3500 of us. It was a grotesque place to live. And supplying 3500 of us daily with fodders was not an easy task to do. I promptly knew they came here to take people for the crematorium, to burn them alive.
The Nazi General stepped out from his car and roared loudly to get everyone’s attention. He was an aptly built guy with bulging biceps and tall structure. Had he not been a soldier, he could have made a great bodybuilder. But he had an air of narcissism about him. “ Get down in the line. FAST!!” he yelled. The crowd immediately gathered in-front of the army drooping their heads in fear. Males and females were separately aligned. Old ones were kept in the front row because the Nazis wanted to empty the ghetto from old population fast. After all, grannies and grandpas were unable to sustain the authoritarian schedule and would only slow down the rise of this great Nazis empire; they might have thought.Every one from the ghetto stood dead silent in the line. Surprisingly I didn’t find my mom standing anywhere. It was one thing being old but it was completely different matter if someone tried to hide the old. It was a strict rule to join the line when the general asks for it. Even if someone is on the verge of death or unable to move, it didn’t matter to them. We had to be on the line anyhow. And right now not seeing my mom in the line made me nervous and i was afraid that they may find it soon. I desperately prayed but also wondered where could she be at this time of day. My pops was standing just three people front of me and he kept looking at me eyeing the place my mom normally stood. He was quite an old fellow now although he still had the vigor and energy of a teenage boy. But right now he was in as much panic as I was for not seeing mom at this critical time. We knew something’s wrong here.
Suddenly, the general ordered every children less than 15 years of age to come front. I was shocked to find that they are targeting small children today. And I was startled even more to find that our ghetto housed so many small children with us. Mrs Aaronson shrieked as her 20 months old daughter was immediately grabbed by one of the soldier boy. Sweet Caroline who was just 5 years old didn’t know what was happening as her mother Mrs Ableman asked her to follow the uncle in the green dress. She started crying loudly when her mother promised to give her a big doll once she comes back. She reluctantly agreed and in-fact gave a sweet little smile as she happily followed the soldier boy like hundreds of other children inside the truck. It was a painful scene to be a part of. Almost everyone of us were crying our eyes out seeing those innocent faces confused as to where they were being taken. Little did they know that their life was of no value to these sumbitches and they will be pulverized out of their misery soon.
Then out of nowhere the soldiers began selecting people randomly and ordered them to stand facing the wall. One soldier came near and eyed me from head to toe in utter disbelief. He asked me to lift my arms up and so i did. I had fallen from a wooden plank a couple of days ago and was bleeding heavily from my under arm. My mother had wrapped a shawl around the wound and since then i had been working like this. The soldiers strongly despised the wounded jews because they were afraid of the infection that could spread. And right now i knew i was in big trouble.
He ordered me to come out of line. I was shocked to hear him but i could do nothing. They would kill me anyway so there was no point in bargaining or fighting. My stomach quenched and my heart raced. My head raced with thoughts. “ So this is the end for me. This is how i am going to die.” My whole life began flashing before my very own eyes. I slowly began moving forward dragging my miserable life with me. But in a way, I was happy because I would get rid of all of this. It was a selfish thought though.My father wanted me to desperately survive this war so that I could see the world a little more. He wanted me to travel far wide into the unknown and learn things I could never dream of. He wanted me to live for him and for mother.
My head was racing with these kind of thoughts like never before. I stood in front of the assembly like others who were chosen today. And there he was, my father, trying hard to hide the tears from me. He was trembling in disbelief but he was just as helpless as anyone here. Seeing my father brought tears to my eyes. I smiled at him saying thank you for everything under my breath although tears kept rolling down my eyes. And then it started. The general ordered us to stand on our knees with hands behind our back. We followed as he said.There were 8 of us chosen today. I eyed everyone who were there with me. We were all turning black and blue with panic and fear. I closed my eyes and prayed to god one last time thanking him for everything.There was a sudden bang and I knew it was the sound of a gun fire. And then out of no where “!BANG! !BANG! !BANG! !BANG!” and it stopped . I was shaking with each gun shot ,palpitating and sweating. My heart was ready to tear up my chest as the gun shot started nearing me.
Suddenly I felt the pistol barrel on the back of my head. It was pressing me hard on the back part of my skull. I cried realizing how helpless I was. Shaking and trembling, I wanted this to end fast. I just wanted to die fast. I blatantly shouted “Kill me you faggots! kill me”. The general grinned at me and shouted “Die you shit” and pulled the trigger. It might have been a miracle but I didn’t hear any gun shot this time. It was just a plain sound of jammed gun. The general shouted “Fuck this piece of metal. Hey you! give me your gun” and asked one of the soldiers to lend him his gun. The soldier responded aptly. I turned my head a little to see what he was doing. The general eyed me with an evil look and smirked “ Don’t worry! I will kill you”. He dragged me onto the wooden plank and asked me to sit down in my knees again. He made me face the assembly and cranked his gun. I saw my father crying hard ,his eyes getting red, his hands covering his mouth. I eyed him for a long time and out of nowhere shouted “Thanks Pop. I love you”. I don’t know why I did that.The general immediately pulled his gun back and eyed me in complete disregard. He shouted to the assembly “who is his father?” My pops shivering from the moments before, came front. And it happened in a split second of time. The general pointed his gun towards my father and pulled his trigger. There was a loud thud, as his body fell to the ground. I was traumatized and couldn’t believe for a second what actually happened. I shrieked in agony. I cried and got up to get near him but the general pushed me down. Two soldiers squeezed me and pulled my arms wide and there I was openly showing my chest to the general. He cranked his gun again and pointed his gun towards me and said “I told you. Don’t worry. I will kill you” and there was a loud bang and another bang and another bang and another. I could count up to 4 bangs after which I started getting dizzy and fell down heard first onto the ground. My body was feeling numb and my chest was burning as if someone stuffed me with hot coal. I so wanted to hold my pops hand but I couldn’t muster enough courage to move. And it started getting darker and quieter and colder and then it was black all of a sudden…..
