LOST

Hi. I am a 25 years old unemployed guy. Yes yes! I know. Most of us are unemployed right now. But the thing with me is that, I am not just unemployed but lost. Now stop pointing direction towards my room. I am lost in Life. Imagine this: I am in the middle of vast ocean with a sail boat large enough to fit me. I have no charts to guide me and my navigation skill transcends my stupidity. I feel that I am in that boat right now. I am seemingly waiting for a gust of wind to set my sail in motion just so that I can be somewhere else.

I have tried all my might to stay focused in my predetermined task. I am trying hard to follow a routine that oozes productivity. I exercise daily, drink a lot of water and have started to write a diary. I escaped from Kathmandu in late March through a police vehicle amidst the then lock down. My father arranged for the vehicle so it was an easy break out. But the thing is I came with my laptop and two pairs of football jerseys (Well don’t blame me ! Who knew the lock down would last this much ? Frankly I never thought it would last more than a week) ? I have lost all interest in anything that acted as my hobby before. And for the last 6 months I am just trying to figure out what I want in life but to no avail. All that pops in my head is, well, nothing. I don’t know what I want in life.

Isn’t it funny? I don’t know what I want to be, what I want to do, what I should strive for in my life. All I know is that I have completed a degree in a certain field and should search for places where I fit accordingly. And then try living my life like how my fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers lived; Get a job (governmental preferable) , marry a girl (Upadhyaya Brahmin who doesn’t share your gotra( strictly applied)), start a family, live a simple yet modest life and then wait for death to come. Oh gosh! Even the slightest thought of this gives me shiver and heart ache. Why should life be so boring ?