Much Ado About Love
I was in grade nine when, for the first time in my life, I had this peculiar feeling about one of the girls in my class. Whenever I saw her I had goosebumps all over my body and I couldn’t stop myself from blushing. I wanted to talk to her so much but I was a flimsy, clumsy, geeky guy with an inch long “tuppi” . I guess you could consider me eastern equivalent to the dorky kids of the west as portrayed in movies. But instead of two big front teeth and hipster glasses, I had an inch long “tuppi” and remarkably low self-esteem. I thought I had absolutely no chance of asking her out, let alone asking her on a date. But again, I couldn’t just forget her and be done about it. I mean , I was in love with her — in deep, compassionate love, apparently known only to me.
So one day, in one of our tiffin breaks, mustering all my courage, I decided to talk to her. I saw her with her friends and hesitantly asked if she could come aside to talk about something important. And I laid out there,my entire feelings to her in exhaustive detail. Like a master novelist, I unfolded my love story to her, making my point of how much I loved her in each word I uttered. When I was done I almost collapsed from panic. My heart felt like it was about to tear up my chest and run away from me .I had this funny feeling in my stomach, my ears were ringing and palms were sweating.
She was dumbfounded and unsurprisingly broke into a hysterical laughter unlike anything I ever saw. After that day, she began to ignore me and sensing that I could do nothing much to save my “Titanic of Love”, began to withdraw from her. We barely talked and I believe I have never crossed her mind ever since. Last week, after 10 years since that incident, she got engaged with an NRN guy who was a British Military Engineer. She is supposed to move to England and permanently settle there. And after 10 years since that incident, I decided to sit down to fumble upon my idea of love and what is it that makes some love stories exceptional than others.
I suppose we all have fallen in love at some point in life and have been familiar to this set of emotions that is sometimes eclectic, euphoric and ecstatic yet upsetting, disheartening and agonizing at the same time. And of all the feelings that the world has to offer, the feeling of being in love is something different and inexplicable. Dr Seuss tried to put these feelings into words saying “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” But what is this “love” actually? Why am I drawn into some people more than others? Are we connected somehow to our lovers by an invisible thread that was woven and knitted between us before we were even born? And why do we feel so content and joyous when we are with the love of our life? Is love a manifestation of emotional needs just like sex is for physical needs?
Love is one of the most fundamental concept of human acceptance known to us. We love people when we accept them. And we accept the love we think we deserve. It sounds confusing and may be only God knows what it really means.But this is certain, once we are in love we feel content and complete. It’s kind of an accomplishment to fall in love with the right person. Only once in our life, I truly believe, we find someone who can completely turn our world around. We think of this person on every occasion and in everything we do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. We open our heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day yet in opening our heart, we experience the love and joy we never dreamed possible. We find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow our heart to feel true pleasure which is so real, it scares us. We find strength in knowing we have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Our only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
So if love is such a wonderful reality then why does it break so often? Why do some love stories persist while others can’t stand the test of time? May be it’s lack of faith, distrust or indecency. Anais Nin, a French -American novelist writes “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing.”
All in all, the feeling of love is really strong and accounts for so many creative endeavors humans have accomplished. Look at all the great movies, songs, stories and the emotions contained in them. The greatest love tragedies make you cry and the best love stories give you hope. And I think it is of no good use to try and explain about this concept of love ,which I don’t know is if unreal or surreal. For all I know, this thing called “love” is a strange topic and inscrutable by human understanding. “And things get even more interesting when you realize that the one you love and the one who loves you might not be the same person.”
